Not Fake News
In the zany atmosphere created by #dangerousbuffoon so improbably making it to the White House (though not for long, it seems at this point,) a slew of hilarious news like none other keep surfacing. So, several times a day, I find myself with tears streaming down my face, not only because of the attacks on democracy, on the environment, on ObamaCare, on dedicated and brave civil servants, on the humble and disenfranchised, but from sheer, helpless mirth.
Here is a sampling of what I’ve read since day before day before yesterday, howling with laughter. I’m adding chapter and verse to show that these are neither fake news nor come from some alternative reality but actually happened and were reported on.
- A naked moron–my guess, a disgruntled Trump supporter angered by the media reports on his guy–stormed into NBC HQ in Washington DC. And bit the people trying to stop him, before being carted away. Bit them!
- A Maryland prosecutor was tried on February 14 after a June arrest for having sex with his wife and masturbating near sliding doors in the apartment where he was staying, following complaints by four women in a building 172 ft away, watching two days in a row (Why? To make sure their eyes weren’t deceiving them before calling the police, which they finally did?) instead of pulling the drapes or going shopping. At the trial, one of them told the defendant, “You’re just sickening, I have nightmares because of you. I argue with my husband because it’s all I can talk about.” Seriously? She sounds more in need of a mental health assessment than the accused. One Valentine Day celebration taken a tad too far!
- Sarah Palin closes her PAC. “In the 2016 election cycle, Sarah Palin’s PAC spent $830,000 on consultants and just $82,500 in donations to other candidates — a.k.a its ostensible purpose. Not only that but Sarah Palin spent $168,000 on travel and lodging expenses during the 2016 election — double what it donated to candidates.” I was going to ask why this imbecile rated an article in the paper at all but the first reader comment was perfect: “I thought she was dead.” Enough said.
- The Academy award goodie bag this year will contain nary a vibrator or other sex toy as has apparently been customary (who knew?) But if you’re one of the unlucky nominees who receive the $160,000 gift as consolation for not getting an Oscar, you will owe the IRS a hefty tax as it will be considered income. Another of those news pieces where you’re not sure you read the words correctly in the first place
- Not funny but still crazy, Arizona is considering asking lawyers to supply their own drugs for the execution of their clients who are condemned to death.
- And on the chapter of drugs, also not funny, but true, “Marathon Pharmaceuticals announced Monday that it will temporarily halt the rollout of a drug to treat genetic muscle deterioration just hours after two members of Congress expressed outrage that the company planned to charge $89,000 a year for a drug that’s widely available abroad for about $1,000 a year.” Yep, $89,000 a year, sure to become the going price should the present administration stick around.
It doesn’t look as though it will, though. And we need to help it disappear. Whether laughing or crying these days, we should all go beyond crossing our fingers or dropping to our knees and follow the lead of irate constituents in the home districts of many elected Republicans who have to slink away to escape the shouting and various overripe vegetables lobbed at them, leaving airports or townhall meetings through back doors. Let’s get them and #dangerousbuffoon back in the swamp where they belong. Did they really think the country was theirs for the taking?